Epic!

Photo of Mr Bumpy (a black and white cat) sitting at a table, with a cup of coffee. Caption reads: "My human and I come downstairs for coffee."

Epic! by Mr Bumpy Cat, SFO

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

My human and I have a tradition. Every morning we come downstairs for coffee. Or rather, my human and the downstairs human have coffee, and I come to hang out with Fanta and Princess. Sometimes I attack them. Sometimes I steal their food and use Princess’ litter tray. Sometimes I’m sweet to them. It’s a surprise.

Yesterday, when we visited, Princess flopped over in front of my human. It’s what she does when she wants attention from humans. When she flops in front of the downstairs human, the downstairs human goes, “Oh look at the poor little kitty, she’s so weak from lack of snuggles she fell over. Oh we have to give her lots of snuggles and make her all better.” Yes, it really is that sickly sweet. Ugh.

So my human was giving Princess scritches and scratches. Princess was purring. I sat there and looked at them. I glared at them.

The downstairs human said to my human, “Bumpy’s giving you death glares.”

My human continued to give attention to Princess, who has her own human and doesn’t need mine.

Well, if glaring at them wasn’t enough, I had to step it up. I had to take matters into my own paws. I had to puke. I continued glaring while I puked. It was massive. It was gross. It was slimy. It was EPIC!

The downstairs human went to get cleaning stuff. Princess came over to inspect it, and my human picked her up to keep her out of it. Yes, you read that right. I did a superpuke and Princess got even more attention from my human.

Who do these humans and animals think they are dealing with? I am the Supreme Feline Overlord, and I will have respect. This will not go unavenged. I haven’t decided what I’ll do yet. I haven’t peed in the downstairs human’s bed for a while.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere

I remain,

Mr Bumpy

Bloggercat (retired)

Supreme Feline Overlord

Photo of Mr Bumpy, a black and white short-haired cat, with a cup of coffee.

Mr Bumpy Cat, SFO

Mr Bumpy’s origin story takes place in the deep depths of pre-history, when a cute black and white kitten selected a child at the pet shop. When Bumpy refused to let go, the child’s mother had no choice but to pay to buy him. Once in the family home, Bumpy immediately took control as Supreme Feline Overlord of the whole house. Humans and animals were forced to bend to his will. While he is ancient cat now, he still rules the household, iron claw in velvet paw. He is retired, after a ten-year career as a bloggercat.


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By Iris Carden

Iris Carden is an Australian indie author, mother, grandmother, and chronic illness patient. On good days, she writes. Because of the unpredictability of her health, she writes on an indie basis, not trying to meet deadlines. She lives on a disability support pension now, but her ultimate dream is to earn her own living from her writing.

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