Can’t be Trusted by Mr Bumpy Cat
Hello out there in the bloggosphere,
Today I wish to complain about a great injustice.
The human downstairs has decided to send me home (upstairs) any time she goes out now. She says I can’t be trusted downstairs without human supervision.
Why would she say this? Was it because of the time I peed in her bed? Was it because I peed on the lounge room wall, over the carpet and the cable for her laptop? Was it because I bit Fanta’s ear a few times?
No. Not any of those, although she wasn’t happy about those things.
She’s decided I can’t be trusted around Princess.
Why would she say that. Sure I’ve tried to rip Princess’ throat out five or six times, but I’ve never succeeded. All I’ve ever got was a mouthful of fluff. The downstairs human cuts off more fluff than that when she cuts out a knot. That walking hairball has so much fluff! It’s ridiculous.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to allow me to continue my reign of terror in the absence of a human. I am the supreme feline overlord after all.
This human is utterly unreasonable, and I don’t know why Fanta and Princess seem to like her so much.
Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy
Bloggercat (retired)
Supreme Feline Overlord
Mr Bumpy Cat, SFO
Mr Bumpy’s origin story takes place in the deep depths of pre-history, when a cute black and white kitten selected a child at the pet shop. When Bumpy refused to let go, the child’s mother had no choice but to pay to buy him. Once in the family home, Bumpy immediately took control as Supreme Feline Overlord of the whole house. Humans and animals were forced to bend to his will. While he is ancient cat now, he still rules the household, iron claw in velvet paw. He is retired, after a ten-year career as a bloggercat.
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Dear Mr. Bumpy Cat,
You’re lucky you have one of the good human supervisors! Before coming to the Rest Home, I spent some time at the County Lockup. My human called it a shelter, but whatever. The place was over run with cats incarcerated for no good reason, simply because their human servant didn’t like one of their habits, like peeing on his bed. I hope you can help your human see reason soon, I’m still in the process of training mine.
Sincerely,
Precocious Princess Pepper
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Dear PPP, Fanta came from one of those lock-ups. I’m happy for her to go back to it anytime soon. Sorry to hear any cat had to go through that. Mr Bumpy Cat SFO. (Supreme Feline Overlord, if you don’t understand the initials.)
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