Top Ten Uses for a Human

Photo of Princess, a seal-point ragdoll cat lying in a large box. Caption reads: Humans provide boxes and toys and other interesting things to play with.

Top Ten Uses for a Human

by Princess Cat

Humans. Why do we keep them? If you look at your human and think, “What use are you?”, then I’d like to remind you of all the good things about humans. Here they are:

  1. Humans provide dry food.
  2. Humans provide wet food.
  3. Humans provide water.
  4. Humans clean up the litter tray.
  5. When it’s cold, a human is a nice warm place to have a nap.
  6. Humans provide boxes and toys and other interesting things to play with. Sometimes they join in the game. They dangle ribbons, or roll jingle balls, or operate the laser pointer.
  7. Humans provide head scratches and tummy tickles.
  8. Humans do grooming, with the brush and things, if you like that kind of thing. (I personally don’t.)
  9. The human kisses me on the head and tells me I’m a pretty kitty. Sometimes, I have to head butt the human in the mouth to get her to kiss me and tell me I’m a pretty kitty, but she does do it.
  10. I can’t think of anything else.

Of course, humans do bad things too, like trips to the vet for needles and the cold thermometer you-know-where. And they sometimes put those drops on the back of my neck to “prevent parasites”. I don’t have parasites, so I don’t know why I need that yucky stuff.

Most of the time, I’m quite pro-human.

Photo of Princess, a seal-point ragdoll cat.

Princess Cat

Princess is a seal-point ragdoll cat. Her hobbies include naps, waking the human in the middle of the night, tummy tickles, knocking things off shelves, evading grooming, and petty theft (stealing paintbrushes, pincushions, etc.) Her special skills include jingle ball and fluffy mouse chasing. Her key goal in life is to be adored by everyone, but not actually touched unless she specifically requests it. She is never allowed outside, partly to protect wildlife, partly to keep debris out of her hair, and mostly because she is so naïve she wouldn’t survive five minutes outside. Also known as Pretty Kitty and Snuggle Cat.


By Iris Carden

Iris Carden is an Australian indie author, mother, grandmother, and chronic illness patient. On good days, she writes. Because of the unpredictability of her health, she writes on an indie basis, not trying to meet deadlines. She lives on a disability support pension now, but her ultimate dream is to earn her own living from her writing.

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