All-Purpose Cat
Story by Princess Cat
You know I’m a writing buddy, and I write some of the stories here so the human can have a break.
You might not know I’m also a sewing buddy, and an art buddy. I supervise (or the human says I “snoopervise”) sewing and art projects.
I take charge of things like paint brushes, pin cushions and measuring tapes, anything small enough for me to carry. The human says I’m a kitty kleptomaniac, but I don’t actually steal the things. I use them and then put them away. I can’t help it if the human can’t work out where I’ve put them away.
Actually, I’m kind of an all-purpose cat. I do all kinds of useful things.
For example, I ensure the human doesn’t sleep too much.
Left alone the human would simply lie on the bed all night and sleep. That can’t be healthy. Sleep should be done in frequent naps throughout the day. Not even Fanta helps with this. She gets on the bed and sleeps beside the human. Never let her tell you she’s a useful dog.
This is how the other night went…
Fanta and the human were sleeping. I went in to check on them.
Me: Meow.
Human: Hey Princess, you need something?
Me: Mrrrrrrow.
Human: Smelly litter tray? Need it scooped.
Me: Meow.
Human follows me to the bathroom to discover the litter tray doesn’t need scooping. Human goes back to sleep. I use the litter tray.
Me: Mrrrrrrroooooowwwww! Yoooowwwwwllllll!
Human: Agh! Yes, I can smell it.
Human scoops the litter tray. Then she goes back to bed.
Me: Mrowl. Mrrrrrr.
Human: What do you need, Princess?
I leap gracefully from the floor, landing on all four paws on the human and start to knead.
Me: Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I push my rump right up under the human’s chin.
Me: Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I continue to knead until I sense the human plans to move.
I move slightly forward, and drape my tail over the human’s face, and continue kneading.
The human moves my tail to the side, and I move it back. Humans do not understand how tails are supposed to work. I continue kneading. Eventually the human actually does move, so I get down, my work done for the night.
When the alarm goes, I am back to yowl constantly until the human gets out of bed.
All in all it was a good night’s work, and I did it on my own, Fanta slept through the whole lot.
About Princess Cat
Princess is a seal-point ragdoll cat. Her hobbies include naps, waking the human in the middle of the night, tummy tickles, knocking things off shelves, evading grooming, and petty theft (stealing paintbrushes, pincushions, etc.) Her special skills include jingle ball and fluffy mouse chasing. Her key goal in life is to be adored by everyone, but not actually touched unless she specifically requests it. She is never allowed outside, partly to protect wildlife, partly to keep debris out of her hair, and mostly because she is so naïve she wouldn’t survive five minutes outside. Also known as Pretty Kitty and Snuggle Cat.
Iris Carden, Author 