Mr Bumpy is Human

Photo of Mr Bumpy, a black and white cat sitting at a table with a cup of black coffee.

Mr Bumpy is Human

Poem by Iris Carden

Today I’ll be a human, because that’s what I choose.
I’ll start my day with coffee, and I’ll watch the TV news.

I won’t go to the garden to just to lie out in the sun,
and I won’t go climbing tress, even though it’s lots of fun.

I will act like I’m in charge and tell pets what they should do, I will eat just what I feel like, but I’ll ration what’s for you.

Why do you clean the kitchen? What’s this thing called “work”? I thought that being human would have a few more perks.

You wouldn’t have to wash your clothes if you could just lick fur. Instead of doing dishes, why not have a nap and purr?

The litter tray is smelly. Someone else can deal with that. I’ve stopped being human ‘cause I’d rather be a cat.

When you’ve finished with the litter, you can refill my bowl. I’ll be out there in the garden, having a little stroll.

And when the sunlight makes me sleepy, I’ll know what to do, because a cat always has time, and is free to have a snooze.

Poetic Pets

This poem appears in my book Poetic Pets.

Poetic Pets is a collection of cute and simple poems about a collection of cute and simple pets.


This is an old poem, but it was actually written in response to this week’s Saturday Writing Club visual prompt. (The photo didn’t make it into the actual book, being very old and too low-resolution for print.)


Discount: Until the 6th of May 2022, you can get a 15% discount on any of my print books direct from the publishing service. Go to the website lulu.com/spotlight/iriscarden , and add the discount code REACHOUT15 at the checkout.

By Iris Carden

Iris Carden is an Australian indie author, mother, grandmother, and chronic illness patient. On good days, she writes. Because of the unpredictability of her health, she writes on an indie basis, not trying to meet deadlines. She lives on a disability support pension now, but her ultimate dream is to earn her own living from her writing.

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