Am I the Donkey Crater?

Photo of Fanta, an overweight brindle Staffordshire bull terrier (staffie), lying in the middle of a bed with a white and pink bedding

Am I the Donkey Crater?

by Fantasia Dog

Reddit has a section called “AITA?” That stands for “Am I the A….?” (That A is a rude word that combines words meaning “donkey” and “crater”.)

People type in their stories, and other people tell them whether or not they’re a donkey crater. Usually people write in it when think they haven’t done anything wrong, but someone else tells them they have.

Well, something happened the other night and my human suggests I might be one, but I don’t think I did the wrong thing, so I need to ask am I the donkey crater?

Here’s what happened. I (8 F) like to sleep in the bed my human (55 F) sleeps in. I’ve had beds of my own. I’ve never slept in them. I like the big bed.

I also like to sleep right in the middle of the big bed. Usually when my human gets into the bed, I move over a bit to give her some space.

The other night, when my human wanted to get in the bed, I was so comfortable I didn’t want to move. I was right in the very middle, in the very best spot in the bed. The human said, “Move over Fanta.”

I have to confess, I was in a slightly grumpy mood because my walk that day had been cut short. It rained and because I don’t like getting wet, the human took me home, when she should have just stopped the rain so we could finish our walk.

I would not move over. I was a rock. I was a statue. I was an immovable object. I was a fat stubborn dog and I would not move.

The human gave me a bit of a shove. I did the thing that gets me called “Fartica the Hellhound”, but I did not move.

Eventually the human squeezed into the tiny edge of the bed, and called me a donkey crater. (Actually, come to think of it, she said the other word. She also said “smelly lump of lard” and some other insults.)

So am I a donkey crater?

Oh, and by the way, if you read my FrankenBear story, you’ll be relieved to know that I took that awful face off Bear. That left her with a big gap where her face should have been, but at least she didn’t have a face that wasn’t hers any more. This let to the human finally giving in and just buying me a new bear.

Fantasia Dog

Photo of Fanta, a brindle Staffordshire bull terrier (staffie), with a wide grin, sitting on a  burgundy coloured couch.

Fanta is a graduate of the Animal Welfare League Qld shelter, where she was known as Fantasia. On arrival at her forever home, her full name was declared too pretentious, and she became known as Fanta. Occasionally, when she emits noxious gases, she is known as Fartica or Fartica the Hellhound. She likes walks, playing, eating, more eating, and cats when they don’t bite her ears. She dislikes baths, cats when they do bite her ears, and dogs who bark at her when she’s out walking. Although she owns approximately a zillion toys, she only likes to play with Bear, Crocodile and Elephant.

By Iris Carden

Iris Carden is an Australian chronic illness patient, former journalist, and retired Christian minister. On good days, she writes. Because of the unpredictability of her health, she writes on an indie basis, not trying to meet deadlines. She lives on a disability support pension now, but her ultimate dream is to earn her own living from her writing.

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