Flat Batteries

A photo of Prince, a seal-point ragdoll cat, with the text: "I have a sad story to tell."

Flat Batteries

By Miss Princess Cat

Hello Everyone,

I have a sad, sad story to tell.

I have a toy called a “laser pointer”. Laser pointers are different to other toys. I can play with a jingle ball or a fluffy mouse all by myself (although it is sometimes fun to have a human send one of those toys skittering across the floor for me to chase.) The laser pointer I can’t work by myself. I need a human to help. The human holds the laser pointer and uses it to make a little dot appear.

I love that little dot. I chase it around the lounger room. I chase it up the cat tower. I really love it when the little dot dances around the end of my cat tunnel, and I zoom through the tunnel as fast as I can, but when I get there that sneaky dot is back at the other end of the and I spin around and zoom back. Zoomies are fun, especially zooming through the tunnel, but laser pointer zoomies are the most fun.

Sometimes the dot disappears! I look and look and can’t see it, and then find it has sneakily sneaked on to my paw or tail!

The other day I took my laser pointer to my human. She held it, but the dot just didn’t appear!

“Oh,” my human said, “it looks like the batteries are flat.”

I know what batteries are. I saw the human putting them in my laser pointer. They are little round things I’m not allowed to touch. My human said that type of batteries, button batteries, are very bad for pretty kitties. Those things were short and round. They looked kind of flat-ish anyway when they were put in, but the dot worked then. So I don’t know if they got as flat as paper or something. When the human put the batteries in the laser pointer, I didn’t know they were important, but it seems like the dot can’t happen without them.

So my laser pointer would not work, and my human could not make it work, and I had no dot to chase. I was very sad. There is a very deep despairing, yowling, sadness that only a cat without a laser pointer can know. It was as if my little heart broke.

My human promised to get new batteries, and fix my laser pointer. So when she went out and came home with bags of human food, I thought she might have got my batteries as well. I took my laser pointer to her very hopefully.

She said, “Sorry Princess, they didn’t have the right kind of battery. I’m going to have to try another shop.”

I don’t really know who “they” are. The only place I’m allowed to go outside the house is to the vet, so I don’t know a lot about outside. But I think whoever they are, they were very mean to not have the batteries I needed.

I took my laser pointer away, and I’ve put it somewhere no-one else can find it. I’m going to try to solve this problem for myself. Maybe I can persuade the batteries to stop being flat.

Princess Not Purring

Princess, a sealpoint ragdoll cat.


Princess is a seal-point ragdoll cat. Her hobbies include naps, waking the human in the middle of the night, tummy tickles, knocking things off shelves, evading grooming, and petty theft (stealing paintbrushes, pincushions, etc.) Her special skills include jingle ball and fluffy mouse chasing. Her key goal in life is to be adored by everyone, but not actually touched unless she specifically requests it. She is never allowed outside, partly to protect wildlife, partly to keep debris out of her hair, and mostly because she is so naïve she wouldn’t survive five minutes outside. Also known as Pretty Kitty and Snuggle Cat.


By Iris Carden

Iris Carden is an Australian indie author, mother, grandmother, and chronic illness patient. On good days, she writes. Because of the unpredictability of her health, she writes on an indie basis, not trying to meet deadlines. She lives on a disability support pension now, but her ultimate dream is to earn her own living from her writing.


  1. Lordy. I can’t even write female POV. Cat? Certainly not! Dog? Well, duh! Dogs are as dumb as little boys and men. Dogs, little boys, and most men are easy. But cats? Noppa, not gonna even try.


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